I turn 70 next month. I originally wrote this post in 2009… 15 years ago!
I have since passed through menopause with flying colors.. no pun intended. I’m hearing “Ode to Joy” in my head right now!
I retired in 2020 and have since enjoyed every single day of not having to go do something (work)… I spend much of my time listening to audiobooks, as my vision still gives me a good bit of trouble while reading print books. I’ve spent nearly 4 years decluttering my house! I’m not leaving it for my kids to do! I’m almost done! I’ve renovated 3 houses since 2009… my husbands childhood home in 2014… a second home that we purchased in 2014 & renovated slowly from 2014 to 2022! ( I really think we’re done with the inside of this one!) and then we did a massive master suite reno this past summer in French Lique.
I have a new dog named Paisley who brings me great joy. We lost our darling toy poodles, Roxy (16 yrs) in 2021 and Precious (17 yrs) 2022. Paisley quite literally leap into our lives in January 2024.
And… I reconnected with my friend Lyn in 2013. We first reconnected on Facebook. We had mutual friends, and of course Facebook told me “you might know Lyn!” and I did! As life does, it was she that was going through trials when we reconnected. Her husband of nearly 40 years had terminal cancer. He was in the last few months of his life, though we didn’t know it then. Don passed away at home with Lyn by his side in May of 2014. Lyn, being the most resilient woman I know, grabbed life by the proverbial horns and began to redefine her life… from wife, mother and teacher to adventurer, explorer and superb grandmother. She hikes regularly, has taken up kayaking and enjoys several kayaking clubs, she’s in the junior league and several women’s clubs where she enjoys the camaraderie of ladies of all ages and walks of life… and she’s a super superb grandmother… teaching her grandson to drive by taking him on long day trips throughout north Texas.. and taking him on vacations to faraway places like Mexico and the Bahamas! and, I’ve had the chance to tell her what an impact she had on my life and that she’s my hero… I might have a bit of a girl crush on Lyn, even if she is a Democrat . 🥰
In October of 2021 we lost our youngest daughter to domestic violence. That nearly destroyed me. I was blessed to find a wonderful Christian therapist that walked through that first year after Katie’s death, and then the trial of the man who murdered her. Somehow, with Gods strength and grace, I have forgiven him. Forgiveness is as much for ourselves as it is for others. I think of my girl every day, and I pray. 💜
So much has changed in the past 15 years.. and so much is the same. I still live happily with my darling Ricky in the same little house.. with cattle at the farm.. and gardens to plant.. with my many blessings Down here in French Lique.
Below you’ll find the original post from 2009…
Menopause...
❤👧
I'll be 55 this year... in December... and I've been wishing, waiting... even praying for... the onset of menopause... Well... here it is.. it has reared it's ugly head... restless sleep; hot flashes; cold flashes; dry hair; dry skin; mood swings... Welcome to the beginning of old age... Be careful what you wish, wait and pray for.
side note: Don't worry... I'm on the natural harmone balancing therapy with my wonderful doctor... and I rarely have a "flash" anymore... and sleeping pretty well when grand-dog is at home with her mommy...
Barking Dogs...
Yes, that is what woke me up this morning at 1 a.m. We're dog sitting 2-dogs for Ricky's #2 while she is in California this week... So since last Friday morning... I have been awakened no later than 6 a.m. by "Butter" barking-barking-barking... Gosh! I'm glad I'm on vacation... otherwise I'd be sleepwalking at work... Those that know me know I hate waking up before the sun... and I really don't like barking dogs.. (but I have to admit that "Butter" is beginning to grow on me... )
Refusing to look in the mirror...
About 17-years ago, after a morning of volunteering at the elementary school where my daughters attended... my friend Lyn invited me to her house for lunch. Lyn was a teacher that had stopped teaching to stay home with her two children. She volunteered at school on occasion... but mostly took care of her home and family... that was about it.
I, on the other hand, had taken a 2-year sabbatical from work when my youngest, KJ, was born... so I volunteered.. I volunteered at school, at church... I was a Girl Scout Leader, I was a Girl Scout Trainer... I was on the Board of Directors of the Girl Scout Council... I volunteered time to the gym where my oldest two daughters took tumbling and cheer leading... I drove around delivering Meals-on-Wheels every Friday...I hosted fundraiser and dinner parties... If someone was sick, I took them food, or offered to run errands... I volunteered to watch their house if they were out of town... I worked very hard to please everyone.
So, while Lyn and I sat at her kitchen table... discussing all my volunteering... she gently put her hand on mine and asked... "What emptiness in your life are you trying to fill with all these things that you're doing?"... Never had anyone seen through me so clearly and cut right to my core... Of course I denied and justified... and Lynne let it go... telling me... "if you ever need a friend to talk to.. I am here".. and she was.
I've been thinking about Lyn a lot lately... wondering how she's doing... She went back to teaching after her children were both in high school. I haven't seen Lynne in many years... our kids grew up and we each went our separate ways. I'd like to see her again, to tell her "thank you" for making me look in the mirror that day. It changed my life...
So, I have to ask... "What are you filling your life up with?"
Well, that's what was keeping me awake... and now that I've gotten it off my chest... I'm sleepy... so, back to bed I go... where Ricky has probably finished sawing those trees...and maybe I'll fall back to sleep, down here in French Lique...
ps... sorry for messing up the sanctity of Wordless Wednesday... sometimes the words just can't wait..
34 comments:
I keep a book right on my bed each and every night so I can read myself back to sleep when these wake-ups come along.
Oh, and sometimes I get up and blog then too. Hehehehehehehehehe
Dixie,
Your probably sleeping now, and here I am wide awake! The first post I see and it's about the big M. I'm 52, and I've been in it a few years, it does suck but I got the patch and that does help some. I read blogs and online newspapers when I can't sleep. Not having a period is really good though, mine were awful. Were not old yet either, just moving through a phase. (think puberty in reverse) LOL, Cindy
What a wonderful post. I kind of sailed through M without many troubles but the part about your friend Lynn touched me. People can have such effects on our lives and then disappear into our past. Maybe that is how it is supposed to work but I can think of some I have lost touch with that I would love to see again.
wow you really hit a point there..your friend Lynn is a wise lady...I understand what you are saying...I've always been one to put others first and forget take care of myself...had a little come to Jesus moment and realized if I don't take care of myself...how can I take take of the ones I love...I'm working really hard at it...ready to stop the monthly visits...but not ready to go through the hot flashes and such...
I've gotten on the other side of menopause, and you will too. Fortunately, I never had what I would call a full blown hot flash. I did have mood swings (but I've probably had those all my life). I really lit into a checker at the grocery store one day when he grabbed my debit card, punched some numbers and suddenly $300 disappeared from my checking account.
You made me feel better about not volunteering as much as I used to. Guess I don't have so many empty spaces to fill up.
OK, as I finished reading your post I was left wondering-what were you lackig? You never answered that. Sounds to me like you were wonder mom and not only that a very caring and utterly considerate human being-who felt for others. You should be very proud of yourself, how many other people could say the same-I sure can't although I wish I could. Pat yourself on the back and feel you have accomplished a great deal more than others. I hope whatever void you were feeling is now minimal. We all have our voids, I think that goes along with life. So as you are lying awake at 2am "flashing" think about the great person you are and what you have accomplished. Then get up like I do and head for the freezer-grab a cup of ice and start crunching....Love Tiina...
Good Grief! I cant spell. The word in the first sentence should be lacking. In other words like me lacking a brain this morning...Good Lord!!! Do you think it could have been because of a hotflash...HugzzzTiina...
As the Bible says, there is a time of all things, ...a time to reap and a time to sow. There was a purpose for all of that volunteering. I've been there too and I am glad I do not need to be there for everyone all the time anymore...but unless I had done that I would not be where I am now.
Dixie--You and I have been on the same path.(we also babysat two granddogs this weekend) I still don't sleep--(check the time on my comments sometime :) I have learned to enjoy my time alone and get lots done. About two years ago a friend pointed out to me the arrogance of thinking I could be all things to all people. She reminded me of Who is really in charge and that has put things in perspective for me. Now, for heaven's sake, call Lynn and your doctor (you CAN sleep)! Good luck and you are not alone in this deal :) A hug from me...
Hey Dixie!
I've been having the night sweats for awhile and I hate it! I'm 41 and I just had my doctor do a complete blood work on me because I am just plain old exhausted. I drive the kids to school and then I'll go to Target and a couple of times I've been soo sleepy that I take a hour nap in my truck right there in the parking lot! I got my results back last week and I'm not in peri menapause, I don't have thyroid problems or diabetes. All good news but I am soo tired. I would love to go back to bed right now and it is 8:30 ish a.m.
Maybe you can get in touch with your friend Lynne. Don't be surprised if she does you like my old friends have. I tried to get in touch with my best friend from school by way of her dad. I sent her a Christmas card with my phone number and email and I never heard from her. I will say it was disappointing but I suppose she has a new life after all those years. It seems that nowaday people are too buzy taking their kids to baseball, soccer, guitar, ballet, dance, singing, etc. practice and they don't let their kids breath. My daughter has never wanted to do any of that until this month she wants to join the band for next year in the 6th grade. That is fine with me. I was in the band. But I looked at the high schools band rules and found out that they practice every stinking day in the summer from 9-5 and the last week of Aug they practice from 8a.m. - 9 p.m. NO WAY!!! That is crazy! She will take band next year but not in high school.
Our Pastor was a youth pastor and he has always said that the kids that are in all of that stuff have told him in the past that they would have rather have spent time with their family. I believe that because I was always at practice for something when I was a kid and I would have rather have went fishing or just stay home and watch tv. We weren't allowed to go on vacation in July or Aug because we had to be at practice. The strange thing is that most people will try to promote sports by saying that is where you meet and make your life long friends. I don't have not a single one of those people that I was in sports with who will even speak to me if they see me out in public. Now I never was in a group that did drugs but it seems like most of the football players that they keep recruiting for here in WV keep getting into trouble with drugs. They had to have been doing that while in high school.
I just wrote a book! hehehe Sorry for rambling on but I had to write it! lol
Hugs,
Angela
Dear Dixie-
Where can I find Lynne???????
Laura
I hope you are napping and resting now....Christine
Your post and the comments have provided fodder for thought. I am tired a lot lately too. Working too hard. But I am sure it is perimenopause working its magic too. I stopped periods for 5 months and then they came back. Everytime I get another one, I think darn I want them to stop. Had very bad cramps and backache in April while at work. Co-workers took people off my caseload so I could go home early that day because I was in such pain. I don't need those kinds of days anymore.
About the busyness of kids being in activities and sports. I don't have friends from those days, and neither do my kids. But it was fun while it lasted.
Now I am rambling, so I better stop. I guess the post and comments were bringing up memories.
Dixie,
What a wonderful post!!! I too am going through this wonderful time...a little early...I'm 48!!! It definitely sets you down a road of reflection. I look back on my life when my kids were young and I thought I was doing all of those things as a way of paying back for the blessed life I lived and I still think some of that is true. Although the other is true as well...filling an emptiness, trying to feel important, trying to make a difference...!!! I think it is just part of being a woman.
Life is sooo much better now!!! So much calmer and I have found an amazing peace and comfort in my faith!!! Your post really got me thinking...thank you!!!
I hope you find a little rest today...and thanks again for the inspiring words!!!
XOXO
Cathy
(((hugs)))
It seems to sneak up on us...that "M" thing. While I"m not quite in it and the doc uses the word "peri M", the wake ups and night sweats are the absolute worst...Hmm, gotta up my soy intake I think.
I hope you are catching up on some of those needed Zzzzzz's
Hi Dixie, I didn't know if you saw where I had tagged you!
Wow - Lynne sounds like an insightful woman...
Your other commenters made great points. I can't come up with anything that intelligent right now...because why? I didn't sleep well! Hope you get some rest, hope you find your good friend Lynne, hope you slowed down enough to smell the roses and stop over-acheiving! You're makin' the rest of us look bad! : )
Macey
Dear, Dear Dixie! I sympathize with you ~ menopause for me began in my late 40's with very irregular cycles, heavy periods, mood changes and on and on. I went on HRT and stayed on it way too long (a wise physician told me to get off of it after 10 years!) Even today, in my late 60's I can have an occasional hot flash .... but very infrequently. You will get through it - I promise.
... forgot to say there are some days when I do almost nothing but read, think, talk to my children. It's heavenly! Then there are the days I am consumed with volunteer work, a new part time job, household stuff, etc. Balance is the secret.
COWGIRL UP!
Hop on that buckin' bronco and ride to the finish...only 8 seconds.
A friend once told me...it's rough for a while but when you come out on the over side you will be stronger and more confident than ever. So every hot flash I shout, "Go Girl!" or "Get out of the way, Momma's streamin'!"
Now you can blog until the sleep catches ya,
Candy
I think I fill my life with obligations beyond my control. Not really a question I want to think about until I am laying on a beach somewhere. . .smiles.
The Raggedy Girl
I think friendships wax and wane. I'm so lucky to have friends from high school who went through all that together. We all ended up here in the Hill Country and appreciate each other more now than ever. I never went through menopause...I just had a continuous period for about two years and then a total hysterectomy which was the best thing I ever did except for the weight gain. I just quit worrying about not being able to sleep and either craft, watch tv, or blog...sometimes all three. LOL It's tough if you're working, though. And the last time I babysat my granddog I ended up with a broken thumb! And I pretty much gave up worrying like I used to. I stopped all the what ifs and I sleep a whole lot better! So that's what I'm sending your way...peace and restful sleep and a cool breeze. :)Nancy
Hi Dixie
Bless your heart .
God sure placed a lovely lady in your life.
Lynne must be really blessed.
God works thru all seasons of our life . But Girl I'm with Candy Cowgirl Up !
Thank you again for this wonderful post today.
It helps me to remember that I am not the only crazy lady going thru this phase of life :)
Don't forget sweet Dixie there are
a lot of sisters out here sending you love,hugs and cheering you on everyday !!!!
hugs
Hi, Dixie! What a wonderful thought provoking post. I ask myself that same question sometimes. It's funny how it creeps up on you, but then I look at my children and I get that reassurance that this is where I need to be right now...
I asked my sister that not to long ago, she works sometimes until 10pm and has been off the clock sine 4pm.
I think we are all trying to feel some kind of void.
I did some lookin in the mirror this week and went NUTSO!
So I have no words of wisdom other than JUST KEEP SWIMMIN....... hehe
Why don't you fimd your friend?
Hey Critter
dosent just saw trees he can do massaive clearing. Scares the hell out of our dog!
Have a great day
Scrappy
PS yes I am a crappy spelllller
where is the spellck
oh heck ya get the idea
Good post from French Lique :)
I use to volunteer a lot out of guilt and feeling obligated etc. etc. Now my volunteerism is more balanced. I'm happier that way. I enjoy just being in my house.
I'm with you on dog barking. I love my dog, and most of the time she's fine, but boy she can bark her head off if anyone comes to our house and it drive me crazy.
♥
Joy
Bunches and bunches of hugs.
On a funnier note: I'll bet that between your DH and mine, they could clear the Amazon of it's rain forest!
Deanna :D
WONDERFUL Post!!!! Just what I needed to hear- (about "filling" up my life!)I am one to NEVER say No- always be there- recently I have pulled back and been SO blessed! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! God has just used you in a mighty way!
Many Blessings!
Great message! Hope all is well down there in French Lique!
I've always heard that friends come to us for a season and a reason. That season may be for just a little while, but God places them there when we need them the most.
Menopause isn't the worst thing that ever happened to me, but it cetainly wasn't the best. The worst is afterwards when the body is adjusting to the change. I think a type of mourning sets in that we just don't have any control over. The hot flashes, etc. were not all that bad for me...there's just a few things I wasn't quite prepared for like disappearing boobs! Oh well, that's what Frederick's of Hollywood is for.
This world is made up of givers and takers. You, dear friend, are a giver.
Debbie
Dixie, I loved the story of your friend, Lynne, and what her words meant to you! It takes a special woman to be able to look in the mirror and admit that someone is right when they say something so profound to you. I will be 60 in a few months, and you probably don't want to hear this, but I barely knew when I went through the big M. I was so fortunate. I have, however, been where you were when Lynne talked to you. I also took off work a couple of years after our first child was born. I finally realized that I was staying busy enough outside the home that I might as well be getting a paycheck, so I went back to work. For some reason, I think we women are born with a gene that makes us feel guilty if we aren't doing something for others all of the time! That's why I love blogging. It's the first thing I think I have ever done that is just for ME! (Of course, I do realize that lately it has been ALL about ME, because I'm in front of this computer way too much-I'm just making up for all of the time that I was doing things for everybody else!). Great post. Hope you got some sleep. laurie
I wondered why I have volunteered so much in the past. Seems as if I was always in charge of something. These days, I don't volunteer as much, don't have a problem turing things down and I think I do a better job on the few events I volunteer for. I don't feel the need to be continually involved in another project and make time to do the things that I really want to do. Maybe, I too have no empty spaces to fill...life seems full and happy! :)
Thanks for making me stop and think about why I did fill my life up with doing things for others. Not that it isn't rewarding doing for others, but it can become consuming...and others take advantage of your good nature.
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